I have been addicted to journal-making lately. In Jeanne Oliver's course that I have been taking, the first week focused on making journals from everything from vintage books to catalogs. I haven't made any yet but I am going to.
In the Brave Girls Club classes, you always make some type of book or journal. I have about four now in various states of completion.
I have a weekly Life Journal we are working on in Stephanie Ackerman's class where we get weekly prompts to work on.
THE HAPPINESS PROJECT encouraged me to write something down every day. I think I often feel I have to write down grandiose thoughts on each day and this prevents me from doing anything at all. I grabbed an inexpensive journal at Michael's recently and have made it a point to jot down a few sentences every day. I don't beat myself up if I miss a day or two. I try to pick out a few interesting things about the day or somethign funny Noodlebug said or did.
I think this new obsession is growing out of my new biggest fear.
Every since Noodlebug was born three and a half years ago, I have developed a fear of dying. I need to be clear right now. I am not afraid of death in and of itself. First of all, I am a Christian. (a Lutheran if that matters) We are promised eternal life in Christ. And I'm betting all my chips on that being true. I hope and pray to be reunited someday with loved ones that have gone before me. And even if I am wrong, I don't remember my life before I was born so I don't think there is much to fear about passing to the other side.
What I am afraid of is leaving behind my loved ones. I am most afraid of something happening to me before Noodlebug is grown. I want my child to grow up with a mother. There are things that only I can give him.
Lately, inspiring women with cancer have been crossing my path. Especially Ashley of Lil Blue Boo who makes me laugh every single day when I read her blog and reminds me (again!!!) not to take anything in my life for granted. And to "choose joy" every single day. I also watched this video today which got me thinking about a lot of things in my spiritual life. God is definitely trying to get my attention.
I think part of my fascination with journals lately has been a deep-seated need to chronicle who I am. You never know when your time is up. It could be tomorrow. It could be 20 years from now. I would like to leave these journals for my loved ones so that they have a record of who I was and what I believed.
Hopefully, they won't need them for about fifty years or so. But they will be there. Just in case.